My moment of FOBO

FOBO – coined by McGinnis is Fear Of Better Options was a very timely ‘pop’ up on my Ted New Feed to watch. It is at times like these when I think there is definitely a higher power that’s trying to advice me.

Yes I was at the FOBO mode when I got the call for 3rd interview yesterday. I feared that I could miss out a ‘possible’ better job that I have been seeking. I feared that the ‘work’ is not what I would enjoy doing, I feared that it will mean I have to start in Jan & thus I may miss CNY back home this year. I feared that I will not have so much time freedom.  I didn’t have a name for it  – but I had a lot of doubts when I should be happy that I now have a better shot of getting a job here without any ‘local’ experience as many jobs were asking. Torn between the feeling of “I should be grateful” & “but I want more..!(but what?!)”.

Worth watching & learn the insights plus advice on how to ‘deal’ with FOBO. I have to admit, I am too logical & methodical. Anything that is methodical to help resolve an issue that seems very ’emotional’ – I would totally  buy into it.

So.. NO FEAR!!

and you recycle the zones!

Interestingly or not, I find myself treading back to the comfort zone then now to the fear zone (refer to previous entry with the comfort zones to the growth zones).

I must admit, I hate the fear zone the most. I display all the ‘descriptions’ on the fear zone. I start to lose confidence, I start to slack a lot, I find excuses after excuses to pass the time & I have start to be affected by other’s opinion.

My brain tells me that I need to LEAP into the ‘learning’ zone – like doing more than my comfort zone (eg. calling the head hunter vs waiting for them to call me!) . I used to get calls from head hunters, now I am advised by a good friend to CALL them & make appointment! Wow! I know I should not be ‘arrogant’ but I cannot but feel quite a big hit to my “ego” department. Now, this is just the ‘easy’ step.

Of course reading the book ‘Linchpin’ does another big blow to my ego department as well. I cannot help but feel so ordinary & dispensable. I do believe to be indispensable, one need to keep developing & improving but I have never thought from the other point of view – sending standards resumes are showing how ‘dispensable’ I am!  Still I love the book.

Getting into uncomfortable sucks but essential. To even try to take the 1st step of doing the uncomfortable is the most difficult one.  I am stuck between. The Linchpin seems to say – heck the ‘job’ finding – find your niche & be the ‘special’ one ! But really – I do not feel special at all, yet I do not want to be the dispensable one as well !

See my point ! Getting stuck in between zones are the WORST!

Question is – what is my next move ?!

 

And .. we are sort of settled…

And we 3 took the big leap of faith (actually only 2 of us but not without some planning of course!) for the move. Things & actions that are within our control are done & executed. No major hiccups which is due to the fact that there is the world wide web of information to help us. All one has to do is read & get it done.

Now we are on the next big thing, getting a stable income stream to continue living the life that we wanted. Now this is the tricky part – is it not 100% within our control but then again – nothing is 100% but I do wish for a 80% control with some caveat.

80% the job you like but 20% success rate

50% the job you like but 50% success rate

20% the job you like but 80% success rate 

So while we are pretty much settle on the basics, I have yet settled on which ‘range’ of job / income search that I want. I am currently sitting at the luxury of time still (so I can ponder about this) , hopefully I do not turn ‘desperate’ & goes the other way.

And really I do have a lot of ponder about. I told someone this, it is all scary but exciting at the same time – however I cannot determine which feeling is stronger.

It is however ‘comforting’ when I saw this (below). It makes me feel ‘good’ that I am actually at the “learning” zone because I am extending my comfort zone, hopefully I will be moving to the growth zone real soon too!

              by/ credit to Wade Alters

Bite-size musings #22

How do one define success? Till recently, it has always been what one achieved materialistically. So when I read how Warren Buffet define it , it is really a thought worth pondering.

Warren Buffett has always said the measure is “whether the people close to you are happy and love you”

Of course I do feel that it is ‘easy’ for him to say that now that he is at the age that he is & with the enormous wealth that he has, but is this what he measure when he was in his 40s?

 

Born to make you happy? really…

This is really not a big ‘deal’ for many but as a mother of a daughter, I cannot help but super happy that my 7 y/o daughter thought the song by Britney Spears : born to make you happy was really irritating & silly that she asked for the radio channel to be switched to be just ‘music’ only vs with lyrics when we are in the car.

Yeap- it was trash!

That is what’s wrong with the entertainment world today. We talk about equal pay, about men not treating women right. Heck with how men need to treat women right, how about the women themselves just understand that women have to do what makes them happy without needing these validations.

Yes, you are valid. You are worth it. No one’s responsible to make anyone else happy but we are ourselves – find what makes you happy & do it.

So Relm, mummy mighty proud of you for rejecting that silly & stupid song – making us switching to the ‘music’ channel.

we can grow

Sometimes I wish I can shield all the ‘hurts’ that my child face as she is growing up. I can totally relate to her sadness when some child say he/she does not want to be her friend. At that point – I wish she can be stronger & more confident of herself – ie just walk off & have fun on her own. But then – she is just 6. I remember feeling this way in school & I wasn’t strong nor confident to retaliate or be revengeful, I just accepted it & cry in a corner or to someone (like any kid usually does).
The thing is all these ‘hurtful’ experiences made one stronger. Also made me more empathetic & definitely helped me made true friends.

So Darling, while we are definitely born weak into this world but we are most definitely born to grow stronger in this world.

 

of goals & plans

I am definitely very Chinese because I do not plan my goals around the Gregorian calendar because I really only celebrate the Chinese New Year. So naturally as the time is near for the Lunar New Year, the goals & plans for business are almost complete but I just could not write a simple goal for myself!

Which made me realized this – as we aged our goals are not loftier than we were younger. I used to have so many personal goals when I was younger, they are mostly  material / ‘winning’ goals & it was always easy to identify what we wanted.

Now as I am experiencing my middle age, I realized it is hard for me to come up with a personal goal that I really want. I only wish for my child to be better behave so I will have an easier daily life & I wish for everyone in my family to be safe & healthy – which honestly is really not a goal at all  since I can’t directly make any actions for them to come true.

So do this middle age me come up with personal goals that revolve around these wishes? That could be it isn’t it?

Loving yourself more

Is this my new year resolution? Not really – because I love myself. But I hope to remind my still very young daughter to always love yourself. What brought about this topic? Well, I saw a girlfriend whom is strong, capable & good but she keeps forgetting to love herself.  While I keep reminding her to, it does not look like she can change this. And I wonder if it is because it has become a habit.

Loving yourself does not mean that one is selfish – in fact it is the exact opposite.

I love my family, so I take care of my health so I do not burden them with any sickness that is caused bad food habits or lifestyle.

I love the job that pays me money, so I take care of the work I do so that the job continues to finance my lifestyle.

I love an environment that foster curiosity, so I ensure I take care of my own personal development to continue to foster that.

I love new experiences with my loved ones, so I travel to new places with them to create memories.

So my darling Relm, do love yourself more, because only through that you can love the people you love properly.

 

a little different now

Wow, I did not write for 3 months! Well, I guess I do have an excuse & a pretty good one too.

I am a little different now – at least not from the outside. Do I feel different? I now have 1 less thing happening once a month. 1 less thing to buy for myself. 1 less forecast to do.

In my 3 months, I had a taste of what it feels like not feel so well & yet need to stay in a strange cold room, and how reassuring it was when your loved one insisting on staying overnight with you. I also had a taste of what is fees like when the brain & body are not in sync at all. The brain wants to do so many but the body couldn’t. It doesn’t sits well at all. Then, I had a taste of not doing anything, I must say the feelings were mixed, I feel no rush but at the same time – I feel quite frustrated. But what I really hated was weakness that you seem to have no control of. The body was ignoring my commands!

I think I take great care of my body, I do what I know & what I can but I guess – it is what it is – I accepted it & maybe it was also trying to tell me to also please take care of the mind (like slowing down).

Now that its 3 months, I do think I have spaced out my schedules but the weekdays are now more crunch times than ever!

If there’s anything I feel I MUST do is this “Give company when the person is weakest. It is the best medicine”

So, am i different? Yes.. but just a little.

 

 

 

of rules & morality

I understand that the rule of law, systems & processes are all very important in our everyday lives but what happens when it is enforced to the point of is it devoid of any humanity?

I had a very interesting experience in a country (Singapore) where it is the epitome of efficiency through the rigid use of rules & regulations. I always marveled & envious at Singapore’s orderliness & cleanliness but does it mean such orderliness has to come at a price of morality?

I made an honest mistake at a car gantry where even the ‘machine’ didn’t catch but upon realizing it, I took the initiative to correct it with the officer upon checking out of the Island. I was prepared to pay some penalty fee but I was not prepared to pay for the car that didn’t physically went into the Island. The officer & the supervisor did not bother to try to find an alternate solution . Basically I was charged for 2 cars when only 1 car enter Singapore. Net – I am penalized for being honest. There were no officers or barriers barring my exit from the Island should I drive on to M’sia & that would mean I will be saving over S$47 should I decide to be dishonest & ignore the mistake.  However – that would mean the owner of the other car (my old car that was sold 3 years ago) would get the slack the next time the car goes into Singapore – which I couldn’t do, because of my conscience.

My conclusion from this experience was:-

1) The officer & supervisor were redundant – they just apply the rule of law & systems. Which I could have done it myself by going to a automated machine & slot in the card then pay whatever I had to do.

2) Why are there no way for the supervisor to have the authority to apply their moral sense over the situation ie make the decision to overwrite.

3) the iron fist of applying the rule of law has made us humans to be such cowards to carry out what’s morally ‘right’.

So.. how would YOU educate our young ?

Follow the rule of law – no questions asked – ie CANNOT question the rule  OR                  Follow the rule of law – principle based decisions – ie made necessary ‘actions’ that is principally right BUT will get ‘more work or reprimands or questions from your superior later?

Do we ‘blame’ the government & the society for this phenomenon? Or it is ALL up to the parents to do their part in educating their children?