bite-size musings #19

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
This quote was shared to me by a friend. It came at a time to help me with an important decision that I need to make. I can’t put it in words as good as this Dane Philosopher did, but I only know – I rather do something & found out that it is wrong then learn from it than live on wondering what ‘would have been’. Of course the key is trying your best to make it work vs not-work while you are at it & no one gets hurt in the process – so I can live within my conscience & satisfy MY own personal need.
Thank you Cheng Lai – love the quote!
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the elusive ‘happiness’

I realised quite a long ago that I am quite a difficult person to please. Because the fact is, I can’t even please myself after achieving what I want. I cannot even think how Mike deal with it but then again, he is someone very uncomplicated so he always manage to deal with it somehow.

You see, the problem is while I know the problem most often lies with me due to my expectations & often I debate with myself that my expectation is really not that high thus it justify my expectations. See the problem?

I do not think I am very unhappy, but I think I am a little unhappy. What I am unhappy about usually just stems from the expectations & there lies in the problem.

So it was quite good that I stumble across this today. I have been doing this whole thing wrong! I really do need to get my brain check sometime.

smiley happiness

The modern parents’ burden

AN7296450C4HY60+Young+couplPicture source: http://www.independent.co.uk/

Was reading a piece from a blog by a doctor. It was a very good piece on his experience with people he dealt with when the parents wanted to use him to share the ‘secret’ of his success.

He just said  – the secret is ‘i have better parents’.

He shared the quote by  Mitch Albom :  “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair”

While it is a good piece – I commend his parents on how they brought him up during his formative years – it is still difficult to follow.  Other than giving a child sense of comfort & orderliness, the parents should also learn to be ‘there’ for their child when they make a mistakes so that they can learn through them. Then the parents got to encourage the child to try new things, travel the world & immerse in different culture. Also – if you think judging is bad – comparing is even worse !

Yes.. so I as a modern parent need to be all that has been suggested but I am only human. I don’t meditate at all to keep ‘calm’ or find my inner peace or lots of money to throw around so that I can therefore be there for my daughter most of the time. I am just a average working mother trying to juggle our financial commitments, kids nutritional needs for growth, kids education & plan our future retirement without debt.

While I know that what was written by both Mitch Albom or the doctor is really just to share with parents on ‘right’ way of parenting but I wonder if anyone realized that the modern parents these days are already burdened enough with the many ‘faults’ that parents do (not on purpose of course!) & trying real hard not to repeat the said faults – now we have people preaching to us on top of getting the kids fed & educated, the parents now seems to be solely in charge of the child’s future as well.

I don’t remember if my dad encourages us to make mistakes or try new things because I remember we didn’t get our bicycle (& we didn’t even know how to ride a bicycle yet)because it was dangerous to ride in case a car hit us  but I don’t think I am afraid to try new things like abseiling from a 100 meters high cliff or cable skiing despite my so-so swimming skills.  I don’t remember my dad ever introducing me on the joys of reading at young age (cos books are expensive & our school/local library have limited books) but I found that through my own at much later age (20 ! ). I don’t remember my dad encouraging us to travel or immerse in other cultures but I know I save money post I started working & travel to different places anyway! I don’t remember feeling resentful or belittled when my dad compared my results with my classmates’ (whom father is my dad’s friend) but I remember trying to work harder to have better results & I know if I don’t – my dad is not going to ‘dis-own’ me.

So.. really – must we already put more ‘faults’ that parents should avoid to the already burden laden modern parents of today ? (yes.. modern parents now worries about if their young child may have mild autism or asperger’s syndrome or hyper active or if they can afford the expensive homes that are on sale today with the rising cost of living in the future & needing to enroll to a primary school at age of 3 !!)

I know my dad didn’t have to worry about all that. He just concentrate on getting us fed & educated – which he did very well. The rest – is up to us , what we want and can do with what we are already provided for and I do not think it is so bad cause I am living my life within my means, I do not ask for handouts from anyone since 22, I take care of myself physically & mentally , I enjoy things I like in my life & never fail to try new things if need to.

Maybe we should all be less critical. The modern society is already very critical & it is hard as it is, but to have strong words like “All parents damage their children” is really too harsh because I know all parents only want to do that 1 thing first – that is “To CARE for their children” & never never about damaging their children. It is just that – parents like all humans are just humans who makes mistakes all the time.

bite-size musings #15

“Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit,” Pramoedya wrote in “Rumah Kaca” (The Glasshouse), “tapi selama ia tidak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah.” (Your intellect may soar to the sky but if you do not write, you will be lost from society and to history.)

Thoughts to ponder isn’t it? Usually the highly intellectuals do write. I must go find this Rumah Kaca book!

of respect & bigotry

I am proud to live in a multi cultural & religion country cause I learn to respect differences in opinions & accepting them. We also learn to understand customs & respect them. I went to a local school & my classmates came from different races & religion – and we celebrated that. As a school, we celebrate ALL the festivals TOGETHER. Everyone in class enjoyed our year end Christmas event (as it was a missionary school) & no one really cared if it was not their ‘religion’.
My 13 years of schooling – the ramadhan month were observed by my muslims classmates & we respected their rigor in observing the fast cause they do not make a BIG deal about it as fasting is their form of worshiping God without any action (details here) & it does not interrupt with your daily life. The non-fasting students go about their break in the canteen as usual & the fasting students either stays in classroom or the library. It worked well for everyone cos it is a norm & a rule that one does not eat in the classroom or library – only at the designated area ie the canteen!
Yet 20 years on.. with the advancement of education & the exposure to world of information, you would think the educators , principals or teachers would become more worldly but no – bigots we have become. As Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr described “The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye; the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract.”  We seem to have ‘pour in’ more information yet the minds have contracted somewhat.

Why this came about ? Well – the latest ‘fury’ came when someone posted pictures of primary school students were made to eat in the changing room (next to the toilet) because the canteen is not allowed to be use by the non-muslims as it is disrespectful to eat in the canteen when the muslims students could ‘see’ them eating during break.

So the principal wanted to instill ‘respect’ by being a bigot. How ironic is that ! I learn to respect other religions & customs by their rigor in observing their faith despite the difficulty yet this principal has now instead trying to take away all that by humiliating the Islam faith.

It is ironic that a religion is never humiliated by the non-believer but by the believer themselves who want to impose the non-believers on their ‘rights’.

bite-size musings #11

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being – Henny Youngman

Right.. that’s what I wanted to tell to an ex-customer today when he came in to settle last bills. He was ranting & almost screaming at the office girls over our driver’s rude attitude (that happened 2 months ago) thus he had to go out to buy water from some hypermart. When the whole issue started because of their bad planning & inaccurate instructions. Its funny that he kept harping he’s very nice to everyone yet he was so rude to the ladies. While I do not condone our delivery boy’s lack of customer service attitude, I would have appreciated his feedback if he wasn’t screaming almost like a lunatic. (& seriously so what if your company is of Turkish origin ? I don’t get the ‘link’ to the whole event).

bite-size musings #9

“Winning Takes Care of Everything”  – Tiger Woods

As much as I hate his guts for saying this, he is right. We humans are ‘xia jian’  (despicable i think? )like that. We like to trounced on the downtrodden. We keep quiet or seem blind to our own faults or others when we are at the ‘top’.  So heck ! Winning is important ! So.. i guess Mitch Albom’s Tuesday with Morries values, although commendable & touching, it is still hard to change how the human beings are.